INCIDENT REPORT #3

E. coli has struck the Park Rapids* water supply! Foul! Pamida (shabby regional medium-box store chain) has helpfully posted this sign:

(*My hometown in Minnesota, pop. 3000, for the unaware.) (Photo by Jean Ruzicka for the Enterprise) (Btw, Pamida is named for the entrepreneur's sons, Paul, Mike, and Dave, and is pronounced accordingly.)

Onward! To the good stuff. From the Enterprise, the most recent INCIDENTS:

Farden Township caller reported a grandson came downstairs and found a male sleeping on the couch; A trailer house being towed by a pickup was reported dragging on the highway, losing pieces of frame; A caller reported a male walked in front of her car, she stopped and he used an obscenity and punched her windshield, breaking it; A male was reported sitting on Highway 2 with a rifle, proved unfounded; A "missing guest" was reported in Lake Emma Township, went out jogging and did not return for a reception; Caller reported males hunting in his cow pasture, he asked them to leave and they argued with him; Two kids were reported peeking in a Park Rapids window; Someone was reported writing on a car with a blue marker in Park Rapids; Kids were reported "messing around in vehicles" in a parking lot; A bike with flat tires was reported parked in front of a Park Rapids store; A man was reported to have severed his finger at the Henrietta Township tractor pull, en route to hospital; A male fell into a drain pipe in Park Rapids, is out but injured; A bottle was reported on fire at 8th and Main, fire was out but caller asked that it be checked out; A deer stand was reported stolen from the woods; Donkeys were out on the road in Rockwood Township; A Nevis caller reported her granddaughter's at her home and there's a big, black dog in the yard.

I would like to make a movie called Incident Report. Based solely on true incidents reported in the Park Rapids Enterprise, it would take place over the course over a single day/night and dramatize each incident in brief, no more than a few minutes each. There may need to be two volumes, Winter and Summer (those are basically the only seasons in northern Minnesota), so as to encompass the distinct and equally significant lake-and-sweltering-boredom-related incidents and snow-and-frozen-boredom-related incidents. I guess Fall (hunting season) could be a featurette. That one might be a little drunker and bloodier. Definitely would require a shot of the towering stacks of deer hides at the gas station and the carcasses roped to the tops of cars parked on Main.