ARTIFACT #5: BEST RUM CAKE EVER

I found an ancient mimeograph of this folded into my great-aunt Adeline's* first-edition Scrabble dictionary.

Best Rum Cake Ever

1 or 2 qt. Rum 1 cup butter
1 tsp sugar 2 large eggs
1 cu dried fruit ¼ tsp baking powder
1 tsp soda lemon juice
brown sugar chopped nuts

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again, it must be just right. To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of the rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum is of the finest quality. Try another cup. Open 2nd quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cu. fried druit, and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample rum again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift 2 cups of pepper or salt (it doesn’t really matter), sample the rum again. Sift ½ pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you find. Wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the rum and bo to ged.

* Adeline: 94, walking, and still reading political hardcovers every day.