TRANSIT

I have been crossing time zones a lot. This is what I have looked like for the past two weeks:

I am settling in now. Incidents and other reports coming soon.

ARTIFACT #5: BEST RUM CAKE EVER

I found an ancient mimeograph of this folded into my great-aunt Adeline's* first-edition Scrabble dictionary.

Best Rum Cake Ever

1 or 2 qt. Rum 1 cup butter
1 tsp sugar 2 large eggs
1 cu dried fruit ¼ tsp baking powder
1 tsp soda lemon juice
brown sugar chopped nuts

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn’t it? Now go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum again, it must be just right. To be sure the rum is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of the rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure the rum is of the finest quality. Try another cup. Open 2nd quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cu. fried druit, and beat till high. If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample rum again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift 2 cups of pepper or salt (it doesn’t really matter), sample the rum again. Sift ½ pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you find. Wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into the coven and ake. Check the rum and bo to ged.

* Adeline: 94, walking, and still reading political hardcovers every day.

ARTIFACT #4: I LOATHE THE OPERA

From the Opera News office, New York, 1997.

My first job out of college was at Opera News, the magazine published by the Metropolitan Opera. One of my tasks was to trudge through a box of blow cards (that's what they call those things that flutter out of magazines) and sort each one according to its source code (on this one, DUT81). Of all my lowly duties, I detested it most.

This card (apparently a group effort!) came in like a beacon from the outside world. It hung above my desk for the rest of my morose tenure there. Cheered me every time.

ARTIFACT #3: OUTLET INCIDENT

From the Park Rapids Enterprise incident report.

ARTIFACT #2: I'M NOT SURE WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE

From the Iowa City Add Sheet (sic), circa 2000.

ARTIFACT #1: THE TROUBLE WITH WOMEN

No time to write. But am finding funny scraps from the archives. Quote from a student's research paper about divorce, as-is:

Women seem to be giving out sex easier than before, being promiscuous results in guys less interest for monogamy. Could this be a reason our marriage numbers are dropping?

(In case you are wondering, the author is a U.S. born-and-bred English speaker.)